I have only a few ‘blogs’ left that were ideas I had at the start or near it, but trying to keep to a sort of fortnightly publication while I can, when weekends are not too busy (though I procrastinated this one to a less busy midweek as intensity of sports last weekend meant I felt mostly exhausted) and we’ll see if I try to do more or not, maybe go into different directions. This one still comes from reflections I made myself since reawakening over the last couple of years. There’s two or three things like that, that people often oppose and well, like everything it’s all up for debate, down to nuances, and what you feel more than rationality.
So to start with ‘style vs substance’. We keep opposing them, but in reality, have you/I ever met someone who said they favoured style over substance? I don’t know, never heard it openly. I’m kind of the closest person who could choose style over substance. But on reflection and confronting certain situations, I am not so sure. I always feel I can be quite vain, because I do like things that look nice (but not flashy), just simple classy things, or stuff that has an aesthetic appeal to me. Bottom line is, in many cases these days, I figure a lot of the ‘content/substance’ is sort of equivalent. Oh sure, generally and as has always been the case, the more money you spend, the more likely you are to have substance on top of the style. But, (and fair enough, I have enough so that I have rarely been constraint by anything but the financial constraints I set to myself as ‘reasonable’ (and I could indulge a lot more…) and everyone has their own scale/range) I would never, say, choose a car that I do not find aesthetically pleasing. Sure with Rover then MG, I chose also to go for something English first, but the MG was certainly a thing of beauty, a pleasant drive but certainly would not get top marks from any ‘driver’. And when I moved to Audi, sure it was in part influenced by a mate who had Audis and knew his stuff, but it also because it was small, looked good, and I could actually customise the colour to make it red and white. Sure I chose a relatively powerful engine, so some serious substance, and it has proven so far in eight years a fantastic drive, so yeah, you can have style AND substance. That is just an example, but same goes with clothes, phones, whatever. I am very often also brand-loyal (hello Vans and Paul Smith…), but it’s because I like the stuff, it means I don’t have to look elsewhere or everywhere for bargain, but not fanatical or anything.
Sorry I digress, but in all this, I have always wondered why people oppose style and substance. Sure if push came to shove and I wasn’t spoilt for choice, I’d have to favour substance, because at the end of it, that’s what’s practical and useful, and if you have something looking stylish that is absolutely useless or unreliable, then yeah, I’m not going to buy ten of the same stuff that lasts one week. But why chose when you can have both style and substance? Which is why I don’t get the systematic opposition or people who pride themselves of being substance over style and sneer at people with style….or even at people who prefer style to substance. But then, as with everything, maybe I am too open-minded at times, and I know that I do NEED substance, because I couldn’t for instance hang around with truly vain people. Think I’ve oftened seen myself as vain while nobody else did, but I guess it’s all more subtle.
Another one: journey vs destination. What’s more important? In a way, I was, and always will be more about the journey than the destination (I think all the pages on this site attest to that!), and if you want to have the broadest picture of life, why should the destination matter, after all, we all die in the end, eh? But then I know, there is legacy. But people can fake their legacy, or aim to be remembered well while behaving in absolutely horrible ways (narcissists/people with NPD, side topic broadly touched there, but I’ve seen it, I’ve felt, how two people making the same great actions can be fundamentally different and have fundamentally different motivations – yet if a ‘bad’ person does good, should you discount the good they’ve done, when the recipients have no idea of the shit that motivated it? I think not, but yeah those eight years have made now look at things and people’s actions in a less naive way, and it’s not necessarily a good thing. How many true philanthropists exist in this world?).
But sometimes, I realise, it’s important to have a (local, I’m not talking about the finality of death there anymore) destination to aim for. As I’ve realised again lately, having something to go for is good. Sure, in life I’ve mostly meandered through, I’ve been an aimless underachiever, but the few times I set myself target and achieved them, it was deeply satisfying. But what target can you have for a life? I don’t know. Not for me, I’ve got broad ideas, but essentially I could say now I only aim to have a positive impact on people around me, and be a good person, be a better person every day. I have wasted so much time, yet I can’t rewrite the past, and my journey so far has been what it’s been. And if we go back to a more physical/basic interpretation of the journey/destination, if you aim to go to point B, you can take shortcuts, get there as quick as you can, but then what? You aim for the next destinations? Fair enough and you’ll have reached many points quickly. But if you take your time to go to B, make many encounters on the way, marvel at the scenery, then you’ll have had an extraordinary pleasant journey to relate. Maybe you’ll have less time to spend at B, but it’s not worth more or less. So what is more important? The journey or the destination? I am not the judge, again you can enjoy both, but (and it might be down to personalities, it’s another blog to write) in my own case, I’m probably leaning more towards enjoying the journey. Well, most of the time, I do not necessarily enjoy going too slowly when I have to drive many miles!
I thought there was a third ‘dichotomy’ (probably the wrong word) I envisaged writing about when I initially planned to write this many months ago, but right now it doesn’t come to me. I’ll look into notes I took if I don’t remember, and will maybe amend this page then.
Oh yes, managed to find it in a brief note: process vs results. Think it all came from being fed ‘Trust the Process’ in the context of Arsenal and my birthday twin Mikel Arteta. I’m guessing in that sense and respect, results matter more than the process. But essentially, it’s the same paradigm (I’m using random big words I don’t master….in my mind here, I mean it’s the same concepts illustrated by different words) as journey vs destination, but purely in the theoretical sense, without the geographical possibility. Anyway, yes, you can arrive to the same place/result/conclusion using different routes/process/thoughts. Although in the case of results vs process, I’d say the process does matter more, because it underlines your principles/values and beliefs. It’s not really possible to ‘cheat’ to arrive to a destination, but it’s very much possible to ‘cheat’ to arrive to a result. But who sets the rules? As in everything in my case, and while I can get it so wrong, or sometimes fail to listen to deep intuitions I have just for fear of being wrong (when I’m mostly not), I’d like to think that the process always has to be guided by humanist values. I may have some principles, but I mostly try not to be rigid. Again from Arteta came the idea of ‘non-negotiables’. I get it, but at the same time, I’m not sure anything AT ALL is completely absolute. It’s certainly worth discussing to reinforce the worth of these things. You don’t have to explain, ever, but you have to be able to. That’s something I’m quite firm on, even as I have learnt not to explain everything because people might think you are just hiding things or lying. In my case, it’s certainly not the case, but people can only live through their own experience, and sometimes other people they trust (sometimes, sadly, blindly, which is the problem of cults, religions with leaders, etc. and obviously something people with NPD know very very well to exploit), I know that it’s important to know why you are doing things and have the ABILITY to explain in truth. Because, again, and don’t forget it’s a disease, but it’s been so eye-opening (and sadly also scepticism-building), people with NPD can very much hide behind the ‘never explain anything’ motto, because they are in fact, unable to explain even to themselves. Anyway, digression after digression, and once more, my own leanings mean I am always extremely keen on understanding how one gets to a result, so the ‘process’. Why? Because the process tells a lot about the person behind it, and helps you understand the person. The result is important, but if you fail and tried your best (Radiohead lyrics there ‘you can try the best you can, you can try the best you can, the best you can is good enough’), then you can’t be blamed, not everyone has the same abilities, but it’s good to know who you are, and allow people to know you a little deeper. Which I have not done enough in my life.
That reminds me also, but it’s very different ‘the seeming and the meaning’. That’s more like style vs substance (form is important to me, again it’s not the most important especially as recent experiences have shown some polite people being all fake, some less polite people being genuine, not everyone has had a chance to get a ‘good’ education with manners, etc. you see, my positions keep kind of fluctuating, maybe substance is indeed MORE important, but I think I’ve explained it all above…I like style, even if I’m making no effort in my style of writing here). But especially in this modern world of social media where manipulation is extraordinarily rife, I will just finish this article with lyrics from another song (I may have quoted them elsewhere on this site? Sometimes I don’t remember what I wrote where…..) from Stereolab:
‘We communicate more and more, in more defined ways than ever before, but no-one has got anything to say, it’s all very poor, it’s all such a bore. Someone has to make a difference between the seeming and the meaning’. Yeah, in this context, the meaning is BY FAR more important than the seeming, it’s not even a contest. But learning to understand what people mean takes a lot of practice and observation, beyond prejudice, clichés, and sometimes fears. That’s why we must try/ask/learn to know people, not judge on first impression, or even second.
Thus ends this absolute mess of a page. 🙂