Chapter 7
Week 2 : 8th to 14th of March : Locked Down (Morning Ghosts)
Saturday 8/3
7.12 before brekkie this time. Another mixed night. More works on the tracks but less noisy once more or I am getting used to it. It finished earlier too. I managed to keep myself in bed and extend sleep a bit, something I could not do not so long ago, I am still relatively restless at times but manage it better, so I get by and at least it’s not like the first few nights when falling asleep provoked that odd reaction. Everything feels more ‘normal’ now.
Even if the going to sleep was more difficult again, too much pressure from the boot and some itching too. Tried to undo the bottom scratches and redo, it helped. Not going to be that bad every day perhaps.
10.39 getting the washing off the drying lines and putting clothes back in the shelves/drawers was not so tricky, just tedious, but the use of the bigger neck bag and strategic dropping points helped.
11.23 feeling a lot more tired today, I really need a better night at some point.
13.08 waiting. Thankfully I did my injection just after midday though it was oddly slightly more painful. Nurse turned up a little later two days ago but she did send a message so ok (after my call but she didn’t get it in fact) So today I am being patient but the stress is still growing and my writing plans possibly affected. Hope I get used to it. I dont want the stress every other day though once today is done maybe it will be easier and I will just assume a late turn up. Will just have to arrange for the 22nd but still a little time for that. Also need to look into social security guidelines for the trip, because I haven’t found the information and nothing back from Isabelle yet. Start looking for physio too, much worried about not getting it right as I’d prefer a pure sports specialist whatever the cost.
13.30 right, all nursed, I stumbled onto the sofa, sure I didn’t look so well today , she remarked so; I was a bit more chatty through stress too, but ok. I am scarring well already it seems, so that is good. Now for food, I need to perk up. Getting used to the timing so will be ok now.
15.12 Picard driver was a touch earlier than scheduled, but thankfully once I was too late to the interphone he rang the phone, so all sorted. On the other hand, I over ordered, just about managed to squeeze everything in without shedding a box (though I had to get a couple of burgers out of their box but it was really really close).
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Sunday 9/3
05.23 struggling to sleep on, the pain is the problem indeed. But it is the pain of the bandage+boot, not the operation. Very annoying, struggling to manage it. Undo/redo the bottom two scratches to try and temporarily alleviate it, once more , kind of works for a bit and don’t think it is hurting recovery or functionality but I have about another week of fighting it when not allowed to remove the boot at all except during plaster change.
07.31 perhaps aided by an impromptu Doliprane and one last unfasten/fasten of the boot, I somehow managed to stay calm, find a position and sleep a few extra short sequences for a bit. Had a few weird dreams but should be ok for the day, hopefully better than yesterday.
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Monday 10/3
6.54 somehow a slightly less good night though not that bad. Remarkably for now I still have 45bpm HRH at night, three in a row now. But the sleep device says all my nights are shit. I don’t find it super reliable at times though, but there is no doubt I have less quantity of proper sleep at the moment on top of super low quality.
But maybe I managed to slightly lessen the tightness of the boot somehow as it definitely felt better this night. First grey morning for a while so need lights on a little longer.
08.38 well the nurse came in early and I hadn’t been warned so I wasn’t ready. First I wondered who could ring the door at this time until I figured it could still be the nurse. So even two rings were not enough, had to get the third. And still be in my hospital pajamas, not great. The reason for earliness was due to having to bring the blood to the lab (I did indeed wonder if lab would be today or Wednesday). This one can’t pronounce my name either, I hadn’t noticed. Also expains why the other was in such a rush the first time cut off must have been 12 or something to get to the lab. The 10am train on the 22nd is actually too early now I realise because I’d need her to come in at 7 not 8…tricky but hopefully can be arranged.
Either way for today, it means I have the whole day to myself without that midday break so might write in the morning already.
This week will probably be more of a challenge for things to do, but now I also have a book. Week 3 might be trickier as well.
I booked the train yesterday but waited for Ben’s feedback for the hotel. The price may still go down but with date nearing unlikely and now Manor House has gone 20 quid up so less attractive again. [it went down again when I booked while Finsbury Park kept coming up]
09.36 I am a bit slow on the uptake. I have only now realised that the reason there is so much pressure from the boot on the top of my foot is that with the several achilles wedges it is very much higher set than normal. So this should be easier when I peel off one layer already.
12.14 did the injection in the thigh for the first time today. It is fine so more variation of sites possible before my belly looks too bad.
Time and again, as long as I am only allowed weight on one leg (or allowing myself, annoying not to be sure but I am playing it safe), I realise the balance exercises from my first rehab may be helping me there.
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Tuesday 11/3
6.48 it’s a bit too early really but I don’t feel like sleeping on. Not too agitated but not completely calm. Physiologically a good night as down to 44bpm HRH in fact and Garmin says body battery up to 100 so no stress. I mean all those nights I still get up 3 or 4 times to pee or move, but yeah just normal I didn’t feel stressed this night (you can tell: for instance the night before I had a middle of the night sweet, this time I had one before bed and didn’t feel the need at night, though this is always linked to stress not hunger I think), anyway yes I am up and don’t think it worth going back to sleep. There were works last night but just chainsaw noise a little less loud than when it is actual works on the tracks. Also think it didn’t last long. Anyway, another day, more to write, not much plannned, just read and listen to music as I have restarted yesterday.
The pain comes and goes a bit differently now so I am still on 3 Doliprane per 24h as there is always a point at night when I fear it a little too much. Hopefully down to 2 later this week.
8.10 re-reading some of the stuff I had bookmarked, hmmm yeah, think the first instructions were correct and it is just the annoyingly generic report that put me off. Not very impressed by it, wish I hadn’t asked for it [actually I saw later that the report itself was not from surgeon address that time (the corrected one was), so maybe it was automatic or sent another way and timing was coincidental, not linked to my e-mail. It was only put on Mon Espace Santé when they were back from hols – might not have made a difference, still not extraordinarily professional, and tallies with other observations] and got clear written instructions about post-op foot handling recommendations so yes I have already lost a week and need to weight-bear gently already for better recovery. Post-op instructions a bit shit, been confused by other stuff I read so glad I bookmarked these as I didn’t find them in other searches and they seem to align more with hints from the surgeon. So best change plan already rather than fully stay on one leg for a few more days.
13.44 It felt like a bit of a mission and was slightly tricky to execute but I felt brave enough so somehow I was able to change my bedsheet. As I went to do some of the bins yesterday, it means I am pretty much autonomous for all domestic tasks so I am happy.
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Wednesday 12/3
7.25 Not the best of nights, not the worst of night, but I am certainly not feeling bright this morning. One good thing yesterday evening, as CL nights are a bit complicated for him to make, Alessandro suggested to come and watch the Chelsea match on Sunday. Perfect as I wanted to suggest the same, so I didn’t have to. It’s great when you don’t even hint at something and people actually come up with the same idea.
More worries come in the form of the timing to go to London. When I agreed to take the 10am train, I thought from previous suggestions nurse’s timings meant either very early or the 12.-1.30pm slot, but since she turned up about 8.30am on Monday (I wasn’t warned, so maybe it can be different if arranged), timescale might not be obvious. And I’d need whoever is working that day to turn up around 7am not 8. Otherwise I need to hope I can move my train (at cost) and I’d have to travel on my own. Either way I know that night will be stressful (I am also now a little stressed about organisation and filling the 15 spaces as I still have three pending replies for now), not what I had envisaged when booked, I could have been just cool and pumped up like for the West Ham match and not even have to wake up early but the injury blew everything away. At least I am lucky that I should be able to make it. Not making it would have been kind of typically me and not necessarily even a huge regret, but really, it would have been particularly silly.
09.18 As The National was mentioned in a music forum, Terrible Love came back into my head, leading me back to Vienna a couple of years ago. Although it was the Birdy cover then, it was a very emotional time, in that big empty demo room, that tune (and a few others) on the headphones. Emotional after all the not happening things with K, fighting the biggest depression in years in February, steadying in March and feeling I was coming back to life in April, and deciding (if I could but I was quite determined despite a few wobbles) to ditch the mental health pill for good after a couple of recent failed-after-six months attempts. Got way too drunk on the social event that week but that is me. At some point this year, it felt like 2025 was an opportunity to get 2023 right. The trip back to Vienna was one thing, not that it was wrong two years ago, I liked it, but this time I could meet hads (last time he was ill, and to be fair, my hangover would have made it tricky if not impossible), and although that was not part of ‘getting it right’, now that I think of it, as I intended not to drink before the 5s, even sobriety at the social event would offer a counterpoint to 2023. The other thing is that birthday do that will now take place was initially mooted for my 50th a couple of years ago, but circumstances (external, the need for a fixture, and internal, my uncertain few months making it difficult for me to confidently make plans) meant it didn’t happen. Now, this will happen, and still be an occasion to be merry, but I will certainly not get drunk and will likely be a lot more exhausted than hoped. So yeah the injury really changes a lot of things in my life for at least a few months, annoyingly maybe at a time when I felt I could really thrive again in many ways. The challenge will be to get out of this even better and determined, even if there is no particularly definable ‘aim’ anymore and time only moves one way.
12.56 waiting for the nurse. I also realise that the Women’s match being on the 22 late kick off (though I will be leaving too early) is lucky because on the parity and timing of nurse visits it is pretty much the only way it could be accomodated (maybe Sunday I could have done on a day trip, mind, so that’s not strictly true, as in fact, it’s not like I will be drunk or drinking post match, so Sunday 2pm would have been perfect, not a nurse day and day trip possible. But at least I won’t have to stress post match, we can do stuff after and it may be less tiring than doing both journeys the same day).
13.35 looks like today is going to be later than ever so far then. I am getting a bit hungry now. Glad I don’t wait before I inject now though, or I’d be shifting a lot from the ‘fixed’ time.
13.50 Still nothing. So I am starting to worry, especially as I read an article about a strike/demonstration of doctors and nurses today. But surely I would have been told? I have no idea what the time limit would be for their planned round. I am low-priority but let’s hope she turns up soon. I am sure my plaster can survive another day without consequences but the parity as it is is required for my London trip, so what if they don’t turn up? I can’t have the day shift so would cheekily ask for two days in a row. Is that a skipped turn and my plaster has to survive 4 days? Plus I lose on appointment with the ‘head’ person? Or do they restore it differently? Surely I should be informed if an impossibility or a strike, so it is just a later shift?
14.10 as usual these were needless doubts because of that article. She turned up at 2pm no problem. Miraculously I managed to reach the interphone just before it shut down. Didn’t feel like I took less time though so bizarre. Good news is she once more said it was scarring well and all should be done in way less than 6 weeks and probably even before the surgeon visit (still expect to have them though, the thing is again, prescription is ambiguous: says 21 days or after scarring is over. Something else 20 plasters or until scarred. Doesn’t say earliest or latest. I assume though, because of no extra provision, that it is quantity, or event if event is earlier. Though actually not sure it makes sense, surely the event in a medical case should be everything? Would be so much easier to be explicit. Nurses probably know though, one would think.
[don’t think I mentioned it earlier, but it was in my list of tasks to do today, e-mail the surgeon with a question about how/when to pay the 600 euros, error in the report was a side issue I felt I had to notify]
16.27 quick and clear reply from the surgeon (or assistant, funny way it is always ‘they’), as I did politely mention the type of anaesthesy (at least I am showing I read it), they said they would modify and resend, great (but actually asked to confirm what type it was, er, ok, if you ask ME). Also for paying it is indeed at the post-op appointment so fine. I didn’t ask practical advice I could have asked for or advice or the fact that was 33 days not 45, it does not really matter.
16.49 tried to understand the guarantees for kiné actually it isn’t bad at all. If I understand correctly, which isn’t certain as the mutuelle blurb doesn’t make it as clear as I think it should.
20.13 Ben coming tonight to watch the football. Nice. I realise there is not much point in carrying on with this journal for now. Steadying. Boring. I will finish editing and complementing hopefully tomorrow or before Friday night and then either stop or only make rare entries if some progress/setback, maybe an interesting thought or two, but are they even interesting? [heh, took me more than a whole more week to get around to all the editing and proofreading, while still adding entries…]
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Thursday 13/3
17.29 (I will try to keep to the odd interesting thought or event fully related to the situation). The ‘walk’ is definitely tricky, just to the bin or letterbox. Not particularly painful but so awkward. It is not just the boot, it is mostly the three wedges. Not only is the heel very high compared to the other foot, but the foot itself is so tilted you are a naturally tipping forward. I’d probably need a coach or someome to tell me how I am supposed to do it. It doesn’t feel very natural. So as it is, it is both technically more difficult but also way more dangerous than the previous just one leg don’t put your foot on the floor situation/hopping technique. Chances of tripping or falling seem higher, it is a less reproducible ‘step’ and on top of that you actually move much slower in fact.
I hope that with one less wedge things will already be easier. On the positive side, it is a lot less taxing physically (though can I really tell? I haven’t been further than the letterbox since attempting to ‘walk’). Either way, going next week will definitely not be a lot of fun, really just a needs must and I am not planning to get out of the house before I shed the boot/crutches. So at least three weeks of ‘in’ physio if not more. And should really have the sick leave extended by at least one week (really a week and a half or two), what with the absurd fact the surgeon holidays are the reason for earlier post-op appointment, not my own fitness or recovery which, scarring aside and maybe it is the main thing, seems totally uncertain for now.
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Friday 14/3
12.05 The injection (right thigh today) felt a little more painful this time. I was definitely more confident when doing them in the belly. Will get back there soon. Also not feeling particularly great today though already better than in the morning.
12.45 nurse a little earlier than before, this time. Thought I’d manage to get to the interphone first time but just missed. All well though, more chatty and she explained how the rota works with small and big weeks, and so I am seeing her again on Sunday then Thursday, the other Tuesday/Saturday next week. So not as I thought but still Saturday will have to be arranged on the Tuesday.
She also gave me notice she might be an hour earlier on Sunday [even texted that day to confirm, half an hour ahead of her visit] as they have less patients then. I am comfortable with both nurses now anyway.